The eye contact is a very critical and important part of a good relationships between people. We discussed with you some points about our smiles. Smile and eye contact are the universal keys to open any heart and mind. Often we forget about it and try to communicate without these important things.
Sometimes it could be difficult to maintain eye contact, especially if you are shy. Some people have a power to suppress others with their authority or position. Don’t be afraid, look in their eyes! They are just humans.
You need to practice before. Seat in front of the mirror and try to look on the place between your eyes – exactly to the nose bridge. It is not important to look directly to the eyes, it is difficult and useless. Nobody can notice it. When you become confident looking in your own eyes, try to use it every time when you speak with any person. Remember to keep an internal smile and a perfect eye contact. What do I mean about a “perfect eye contact”? When you listen anybody (a friend, a family member, a chief, an unknown person), try to glue to him/her with your eyes. Don’t look only to eyes, try to notice small gestures, try to listen, try to understand others.
When You can do it easily you will find out it is very powerful technique, not only for just conversations. It is useful for flirt too. Any women or men can fall in love with you only because of your gaze and an attention. You can actually make people to like you without any doubts and reasons. They simply can not explain why they like you. They will react to you as an old buddy.
It is a very powerful technique, just try to use it!
It could be a confession, the rude or cruel words or anything else. It could be a real person (who is close to you or with whom you lost a contact) or even a dead person. Sometimes you can’t share your thoughts directly with anyone around you (not even with relatives, friends). In case if you need to do it I have a special hack for this.
I write a letter. Yes, just a simple letter. I prefer to do it on paper with pen. You can try to do it on computer or cellphone. Choose what better fits for you. It is a bit old fashion way to express thoughts, but it really helps. It helps you to release stress in an easy and fast way. While you are writing your letter you will feel better. The words on the paper clear your head. Each word will help you to become free from thoughts. Perhaps you can find a better solution or create a plan. Perhaps it could help you to talk with this person.
When you finish it is better to destroy your letter. Probably you put their a lot of private things and you don’t want to make them public.
Just write a letter. I know that not everyone a writer. But with some practice you can express yourself better and better. Also it is a good skill in real life. Soon you will find that you can speak in a better way than others.
My conception of the mind is an existential world where live a lot of different creatures. Today I want to talk about the dragons. First I want to name them. Here they are:
Of course it is not a full list. It is just some of them. I am sure your dragons are different. I remember very well when I met my first dragon. It was an Anger. I could not control it. I just met him for the first time and it overwhelm me. I was not myself. I became a pure anger. I could not control my acts. I destroyed my hands. I was lucky I didn’t break any bone. After it I searched an answer how to face and control it. I want to dominate my dragons and suppress them. I would like to give them freedom only when I need them and be conscious. I am sure you know what I mean. Every alive person has his/her dragons. I started to recognize them and overtime I actually became their master. In my mind they all live in a very deep place. When I need them I can open any of them and give them controlled freedom.
How to cope with your internal dragons?
Recognize them, you have to be familiar with them. You need to know how they act. It will help you to control them. Just close your eyes and think about them. Imagine them inside your head. Where do they live? Are they free? How do they control your life? It takes time, don’t be in a rush. Just think about it during the day when you have a free minute. After some time you will be able to write their names. Do it!
Now you know them. You faced with them. Great! Now you can start the next step. Choose the opposite meaning for each of them (actually the opposite words are antonyms). For example, an anger – peace, calmness (choose any word that you like). You will get something like this:
Anger – Calmness
Violence – Peacefulness
Weakness – Strength
Impatience – Patience
Program yourself with the opposite dragons. Feed, grow them. They must overwhelm (imprison) your old dragons. You don’t need to destroy all of them. Sometimes you need your bad dragons, release them carefully. Control them. They can be useful in a stress situation. Do it everyday till you feel that you changed yourself.
I know the description was a bit fantastic. It is just my view on my bad sides. Frankly you can choose any description for this.
I could overwhelm my dragons. I keep only an Anger in a very deep place inside myself. It helps me to cope with stresses and with workouts. But I can perfectly control it. Good luck you with your dragons. Be patient and you will win.
Today I want to share with you my thoughts about making decisions. I try to use this way to make my decisions about serious things.
Never make any decision when you are under influence of the strong emotions. You already know it. Breath, relax, stay alone, but do not do any fast and cruel decisions. Your decision can split your life: before and after. You must do it when you can think rationally. Only this way helps you to control the flow of your life. If you feel strong emotions – stop yourself. Scream, fight with your internal dragons, do it inside your mind. Be silent, do not act, do not say a word. Under the influence of emotions you can do a stupid move. You can not Undo in real life. You must be calm! Stay calm and cool.
Sleep overnight before making any move. It is an old trick. Here is a famous quote of Scarlet from the movie “Gone with the Wind”: “I can’t let him go. I can’t. There must be some way to bring him back. Oh, I can’t think about this now! I’ll go crazy if I do! I’ll think about it tomorrow. But I must think about it. I must think about it. What is there to do? What is there that matters? Tara! Home. I’ll go home. And I’ll think of some way to get him back. After all… tomorrow is another day!” Tomorrow you will be calm and can take the best decision than today. Use it always. It will help you to avoid doubts about your past.
Analyze your previous decisions. Analyze your decisions, don’t blame yourself about them. Blaming doesn’t help. If you analyze your decisions you will avoid mistakes!
Draw a map for your decision. Are you calm? Ok, in this case continue. The map helps you get from one point to another. Take a pen and write down your problem. If you need to decide something it means that there is a problem! Draw arrows and write all possible decisions with their possible pros and cons. Choose the best decision and make a plan how to achieve it.
It reminds me chess. Each time when I am nervous, I choose the wrong moves, make mistakes. I can not see the all game, I see only one or two moves. But it is not enough to win against the strong opponent. Life is a very strong player. If you want You must be patient, calm and overthink it.
Today my friend I am going to explain you about the plans. It is very powerful and useful technique. When did you make a plan for anything? For tomorrow? For five years? Have you ever made a plan for the future? I mean a real plan, not dreams! The dreams are nice and I advice you to dream as much as possible, they make your life full and happier. But today we are talking about making plans. Try to remember. Answer yourself about your plans. If you make plans – this article is not for you. You already know how to use planning.
Planning is very useful in our life. If you live without planning you are going to lose the game of the life in a long distance. We must make plans. When you have a plan you don’t have doubts, you usually don’t have a lot of problems and you always feel secure. It is very important.
I ask you to create a plan. Start from a small step. Create a plan for tomorrow before going to sleep. Make it your habit. Make your life predictable. You might think that predictable life is boring. It is not true. Just try to take control over your life.
Start to make plans for next summer, year, 5 years. Make plans (not dreams) with your partner. It is a critical skill in a relationships. A lot of breakups happen, because of this.
Start to plan your life. Step by step guide yourself to the future!
Take a piece of paper and write down your plan for tomorrow!
There are two ideas that I brought from chess. I found them really useful for me. They could be useful for you. So, in chess there are:
1. Tactics – it is a short-term plan (2-3 moves or a day, a week).
2. Strategy – it is a long-term plan (a game or a year, ten years, etc).
Make your tactics for each tomorrow and strategy for a long periods of time (five, ten years and etc).
I had difficulties to communicate with people. You might think that it is not important, you can just work and be happy. But it is not true. In our society the communication skill is the most important. You need to know how to communicate with your partner, colleagues, chiefs, friends (with real friends it is not so important (they accepted you as you are, but anyway try to listen them sometimes!), even with unknown people.
The person, who is able to communicate is a king. You can get a better job, a better salary, you can create your own business. In fact the business is based on the communication with investors and clients. Just look around, look to the successful people. They all can communicate. With good communication you would get a lot of contacts, some of them will be just contacts, but some would be very useful for your future. I know that there are a lot of different characters and you could be shy, closed person. But you can turn yourself to people, and with one smile and phrase change everything around you. You need just try it. It is a fantastic skill.
As I wrote before I was a really closed person (because I was shy), I was a good guy, but without communication skill I had a lot of problems at work and in relationships. My first attempts to improve my communication were very funny and unnatural. I read a lot of psychological books, watched videos. And with practice I became “fluent”. The communication became my habit.
How to do it? What are the magic rules to break any wall and became a god of communication?
1. Every time smile, even when you are sad. Don’t show it, nobody cares about this. Smile is a universal key for any heart. Don’t be shy. Practice with a mirror. Smile every time, don’t show anyone that you can be sad. You can do it later alone or with people whom you can trust.
2. Love people. It is an interesting point. You need to love every one around you. Just imagine that you tell every one inside your mind “I love you”. There are bad people, but even with them be a diplomat.
3. Speak, speak and speak with anybody at the street, cafe, work. Be open, avoid any phrases those stop conversation (I don’t know. Yes. No.). Listen people, listen more than you speak. Speak with them about their interests, not about yours. You are interested in them!
4. Read some books about psychology, behaviors (it will help you to understand other people). I am going to add the list of the books later.
5. And you must practice! Simply practice everyday, start now. Talk with your friend, ask him about his day, talk with unknown person on the street. Speak at the supermarket.
I know I didn’t write you anything special. There is not a magic. I can not give you a simple and easy key for the hearts. You know about everything from books, by yourself.
But how to become like this? Each moment when you want to start speaking you feel that your mouth became dry and you simply could not speak. I had the same problems. I was absolutely like this. I could not speak in front of people. I cut conversations with one phrase.
I give You a simple trick! It is a fantastic, easy hack. Just put a mask on. Imagine that you have a lot of masks in your virtual wardrobe (Brad Pitt, Napoleon, your best friend). The mask of a person who you know, or who is famous and popular. Play his role, now you are not You. You an actor, You are playing the role. It is just a movie and act like a superstar at this movie. Read this Shakespeare’s quote:
All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages. At first, the infant, Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms. Then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel And shining morning face, creeping like snail Unwillingly to school. And then the lover, Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier, Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard, Jealous in honor, sudden and quick in quarrel, Seeking the bubble reputation Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice, In fair round belly with good capon lined, With eyes severe and beard of formal cut, Full of wise saws and modern instances; And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts Into the lean and slippered pantaloon, With spectacles on nose and pouch on side; His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide For his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice, Turning again toward childish treble, pipes And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all, That ends this strange eventful history, Is second childishness and mere oblivion, Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
The title sounds very promising. But it is a hell job with very controversial results. If you search in internet you will find a lot of information about this: articles, video, books. A lot of people sell their experience to You. And a lot of desperate people will pay.
There is no magic here. Sometimes you can get your ex back (life is not rational), but often it is impossible. You will just spend your life time in a nightmare loop of pain changing yourself.
Before I start, I must remind You. Think several times (maybe days) before you decide to do it. In our cruel reality it is like a lottery. Only few people from thousand can get their ex back. And if you get your ex back this is not a warranty that You will be happy together. Please remember it!
You decided to get her/him back. Are You sure?
There is a nice movie “Limitless”. I am pretty sure you know it. The solution was showed there. Do you remember the main hero there? A hero changed him completely with a special drug NZT. It was just a movie, but conception is true. I am going to explain You why.
The breakup always has a reason. Maybe not only one. You can change only one thing. You can try to find a reason inside yourself. You can break your personality and change yourself in a better way and became attractive and interesting. It sounds really good, but it is a torture. You have your character, habits for years and now you are going to change them all.
1. find problems (reasons) inside you. You can change only yourself.
2. try to change them.
It is a basic recipe. But how to do it?
I am going to give you an example. You are nice and vanilla. But she/he needs a strong person, who can rule her/him. Is it possible to change yourself completely in this way? Yes, you can do with you everything, but it is a painful way. And maybe it won’t make you happy.
The step by step guide is:
1. no contact – don’t show your weakness, use this time to work on yourself!
2. find reasons!
3. work on yourself, become interesting and attractive (change style, character, go to gym, loose some weight).
4. meet with other people, have fun, enjoy your life.
5. meet with her by accident, invite her – surprise her. Show her that you are completely different person. Watch the scene (from the “Limitless”) of the date between the hero and his ex at the restaurant.
There are a lot of articles and advises about breakup. I know about it on my own experience. I did all possible mistakes in the relationship. My girlfriend left me and I got her back. I left my girlfriend. As you see I know about it a lot. I think that my thoughts and ideas can be useful not only for me, but for you. I would like to share my experience with You.
First of all I understand You. If you get here, you have had a breakup. Perhaps it was several hours ago, days, months. I am going to help you to get through it. I am going to help you to avoid mistakes. I am going to be with you, even you don’t have anyone close to you.
First, NO CONTACT. Remember this and each time when you are ready to break this famous and popular rule – read it again. No Contact!
I know it is hard to cope with this rule. You are very close to break it and write/phone/come to your Love. But let’s be clear! I know how you feel. Believe me.
No contact is very important, because:
1. it is only one way to recover from the breakup;
2. it is the only one way to become stronger;
3. it is the only one way avoid your mistakes!
Let’s talk about it. There is no special magic in this rule. It is just an experience of millions. When you are not normal (crazy, not stable, not adequate, weak – basically you can choose any word) you can show only you weakness and foolishness. I want to protect You. No contact really works.
In my relationship my ex left me. And I was like a crazy, I was not myself. I was empty, lonely and felt that the world was dying. I thought about my death. I started to write her, phone and I was really happy when she replied me. I was addicted to her messages. They made me alive. Frankly her messages gave me an energy and false thoughts that I can return her. In theory it is possible, but in practice it is the unreal plan. You can read about this here. So, I suffered much longer, I exchanged messages with her for about two months. And in result I was destroyed, I lost weight, I did not shaved myself, I was in a terrible condition. Now I see that I told her a lot of stupid things and gave her a lot of unrealistic promises. I stopped after two months, the first week was very difficult, I tried not to chat with her every time when I was alone. It was a nightmare. After a week I became calm and I could see things clearly than before. Each day gave me a bit of freedom and made me stronger. I wrote here some facts about my experience to show you that I understand you. Really!
So, you started your No Contact! All right! It was a good decision.
How can you resist? I will tell you my solutions. I am pretty sure there is nothing new.
1. delete every reminder of her (phone numbers, pictures, emails)!
2. clean your apartment and room!
3. take care of yourself!
4. walk a lot during the day without any phone, just walk!
5. start some physical activity: go to the gym, run!
6. work as hard as you can.
You must be very busy and tired. Only in this case you can became a better man/woman and you can do No Contact.
If you can’t resist you can do:
1. push ups – until you are dying!
2. phone your friend. Believe only a good friend can listen your crying and be your friend. Don’t overuse this opportunity!
4. you can write me. I am open for a conversation, I am ready to listen you. I am going to help you.
Here I want to write You one important thing. It is impossible to give you a universal solution. Remember, in reality there are no rules. Only humans create their own rules to use in all possible situations (and they work, because of statistics, they work for the majority of situation). But in some cases you must contact with your ex (it really depends of your situation). If you are not sure discuss your case with a friend, with me. Take a pause. I know it sounds weird, but sometimes you should break the rule. Everything that I wrote about No Contact before was a universal solution. But life is weird and we live in our own mode. Also I didn’t cover the situation of marriage, children. In these cases you are in different position!
You did your first small and important step to recover from the breakup. Now You must take care of yourself.
Think of yourself, become a bit egoistic. You gave a lot to your ex (emotions, time and etc). Now it is time to take care of yourself.
Start thinking about every person and every event in your life in a positive way. I know it is very difficult to do. But try, smile for unknown people, “love everything” around you. You wake up – excellent today is a good day to start living. Love sun, rain, wind, people around you. Even ugly and unpleasant people have something inside them why you should love them. I don’t mean that you must be in real Love. It is just a small trick, that will make you a better person and help you with recovering and achieving your own goals.
Read something interesting. Start learning a new language, new skill (cooking, crafting). It will change your mind completely in a better way.
You might think that the world is really cruel about you. But it is not. The world doesn’t care. Only You think like this. You can do anything, you are alive and free. You can become anyone. Even rich and successful people have their own problems. Usually we just don’t know them.
Try to keep inside a positive feeling every time.
Try to think about any word that you say, think and after speak. In your unstable condition you may say something bad. It is absolutely normal, but people around you don’t deserve it. Think and then speak. Sometimes it is better not to speak at all.
Forgive your ex, forgive yourself for all mistakes. In fact you have never done any mistake, each decision was right, because you made it in those condition (time, place). And who knows which decision was better?! You had a lesson. Next time you will avoid your previous mistakes. Learn through your mistakes.
And the most important – move forward. Past doesn’t exist. There is only now, it is a very small piece of time. You can do anything just now and after one second it is the past.