The title sounds very promising. But it is a hell job with very controversial results. If you search in internet you will find a lot of information about this: articles, video, books. A lot of people sell their experience to You. And a lot of desperate people will pay.
There is no magic here. Sometimes you can get your ex back (life is not rational), but often it is impossible. You will just spend your life time in a nightmare loop of pain changing yourself.
Before I start, I must remind You. Think several times (maybe days) before you decide to do it. In our cruel reality it is like a lottery. Only few people from thousand can get their ex back. And if you get your ex back this is not a warranty that You will be happy together. Please remember it!
You decided to get her/him back. Are You sure?
There is a nice movie “Limitless”. I am pretty sure you know it. The solution was showed there. Do you remember the main hero there? A hero changed him completely with a special drug NZT. It was just a movie, but conception is true. I am going to explain You why.
The breakup always has a reason. Maybe not only one. You can change only one thing. You can try to find a reason inside yourself. You can break your personality and change yourself in a better way and became attractive and interesting. It sounds really good, but it is a torture. You have your character, habits for years and now you are going to change them all.
1. find problems (reasons) inside you. You can change only yourself.
2. try to change them.
It is a basic recipe. But how to do it?
I am going to give you an example. You are nice and vanilla. But she/he needs a strong person, who can rule her/him. Is it possible to change yourself completely in this way? Yes, you can do with you everything, but it is a painful way. And maybe it won’t make you happy.
The step by step guide is:
1. no contact – don’t show your weakness, use this time to work on yourself!
2. find reasons!
3. work on yourself, become interesting and attractive (change style, character, go to gym, loose some weight).
4. meet with other people, have fun, enjoy your life.
5. meet with her by accident, invite her – surprise her. Show her that you are completely different person. Watch the scene (from the “Limitless”) of the date between the hero and his ex at the restaurant.
There are a lot of articles and advises about breakup. I know about it on my own experience. I did all possible mistakes in the relationship. My girlfriend left me and I got her back. I left my girlfriend. As you see I know about it a lot. I think that my thoughts and ideas can be useful not only for me, but for you. I would like to share my experience with You.
First of all I understand You. If you get here, you have had a breakup. Perhaps it was several hours ago, days, months. I am going to help you to get through it. I am going to help you to avoid mistakes. I am going to be with you, even you don’t have anyone close to you.
First, NO CONTACT. Remember this and each time when you are ready to break this famous and popular rule – read it again. No Contact!
I know it is hard to cope with this rule. You are very close to break it and write/phone/come to your Love. But let’s be clear! I know how you feel. Believe me.
No contact is very important, because:
1. it is only one way to recover from the breakup;
2. it is the only one way to become stronger;
3. it is the only one way avoid your mistakes!
Let’s talk about it. There is no special magic in this rule. It is just an experience of millions. When you are not normal (crazy, not stable, not adequate, weak – basically you can choose any word) you can show only you weakness and foolishness. I want to protect You. No contact really works.
In my relationship my ex left me. And I was like a crazy, I was not myself. I was empty, lonely and felt that the world was dying. I thought about my death. I started to write her, phone and I was really happy when she replied me. I was addicted to her messages. They made me alive. Frankly her messages gave me an energy and false thoughts that I can return her. In theory it is possible, but in practice it is the unreal plan. You can read about this here. So, I suffered much longer, I exchanged messages with her for about two months. And in result I was destroyed, I lost weight, I did not shaved myself, I was in a terrible condition. Now I see that I told her a lot of stupid things and gave her a lot of unrealistic promises. I stopped after two months, the first week was very difficult, I tried not to chat with her every time when I was alone. It was a nightmare. After a week I became calm and I could see things clearly than before. Each day gave me a bit of freedom and made me stronger. I wrote here some facts about my experience to show you that I understand you. Really!
So, you started your No Contact! All right! It was a good decision.
How can you resist? I will tell you my solutions. I am pretty sure there is nothing new.
1. delete every reminder of her (phone numbers, pictures, emails)!
2. clean your apartment and room!
3. take care of yourself!
4. walk a lot during the day without any phone, just walk!
5. start some physical activity: go to the gym, run!
6. work as hard as you can.
You must be very busy and tired. Only in this case you can became a better man/woman and you can do No Contact.
If you can’t resist you can do:
1. push ups – until you are dying!
2. phone your friend. Believe only a good friend can listen your crying and be your friend. Don’t overuse this opportunity!
4. you can write me. I am open for a conversation, I am ready to listen you. I am going to help you.
Here I want to write You one important thing. It is impossible to give you a universal solution. Remember, in reality there are no rules. Only humans create their own rules to use in all possible situations (and they work, because of statistics, they work for the majority of situation). But in some cases you must contact with your ex (it really depends of your situation). If you are not sure discuss your case with a friend, with me. Take a pause. I know it sounds weird, but sometimes you should break the rule. Everything that I wrote about No Contact before was a universal solution. But life is weird and we live in our own mode. Also I didn’t cover the situation of marriage, children. In these cases you are in different position!
You did your first small and important step to recover from the breakup. Now You must take care of yourself.
Think of yourself, become a bit egoistic. You gave a lot to your ex (emotions, time and etc). Now it is time to take care of yourself.
Start thinking about every person and every event in your life in a positive way. I know it is very difficult to do. But try, smile for unknown people, “love everything” around you. You wake up – excellent today is a good day to start living. Love sun, rain, wind, people around you. Even ugly and unpleasant people have something inside them why you should love them. I don’t mean that you must be in real Love. It is just a small trick, that will make you a better person and help you with recovering and achieving your own goals.
Read something interesting. Start learning a new language, new skill (cooking, crafting). It will change your mind completely in a better way.
You might think that the world is really cruel about you. But it is not. The world doesn’t care. Only You think like this. You can do anything, you are alive and free. You can become anyone. Even rich and successful people have their own problems. Usually we just don’t know them.
Try to keep inside a positive feeling every time.
Try to think about any word that you say, think and after speak. In your unstable condition you may say something bad. It is absolutely normal, but people around you don’t deserve it. Think and then speak. Sometimes it is better not to speak at all.
Forgive your ex, forgive yourself for all mistakes. In fact you have never done any mistake, each decision was right, because you made it in those condition (time, place). And who knows which decision was better?! You had a lesson. Next time you will avoid your previous mistakes. Learn through your mistakes.
And the most important – move forward. Past doesn’t exist. There is only now, it is a very small piece of time. You can do anything just now and after one second it is the past.